Friday, January 06, 2012

Smarter Than Her

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so 
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their 


One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me 
to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who 
I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed
department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several 
different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so 
I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her 
new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of 
diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have 
thought I was one
wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because 
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play 

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was 
almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all 
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel 
like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. 
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me 
to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 
'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... but at least that bitch 
knows I'm smarter than her.

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